Smoothness

Ah, Tuesday night. The whole night is a blur, thanks to my friend Joe and I splitting a liter of vodka before going out, then me running up a $230 bar tab. But one thing that always cracks me up about drinking and really cracked me up this night is that when I’m drunk, I really can’t hear or understand a word that any person I’m conversing with is saying. Of course, this is magnified with each drink and of course, I make less and less of an attempt to conceal this with each drink, so by the end of the night, every conversation is the same:

Me: “So what do you do again?”
Girl: [could be saying “I give head for a living” and I wouldn’t know the difference]
Me: “Cool. Do you want a drink?”

Also, poor Angie had to deal with me hitting on her for most of the night. For any girls that I have yet to hit on, my approach is the following:

1) Tell stupid jokes;
2) Repeatedly offer drinks/shots;
3) Ask the same questions over and over again;
4) Spit all over the girl while talking to her;
5) Repeat steps 1-4 until the lights come on at the bar.

As if that wasn’t smooth enough, I actually remember even saying to her, “So, I don’t know if you know this or not, but I’m hitting on you right now.”

Smooth, dude. Real smooth.

I can’t believe she left without saying goodbye.