Women Hate Me

I’m not a ladies’ man, but have I missed something lately? I’m pretty bad with women to begin with, but it seems like every woman I came in contact with from the time I woke up yesterday morning could not have been less interested in dealing with me. I’m not just talking about sexually either (though that was certainly the case as well); every woman I spoke to - chicks at bars, female friends, the waitress at breakfast this morning, my own damn family members, - just seemed pissed off at me.

Was there some sort of Woman’s Conference on John at the Newark Airport Ramada on Monday night/Tuesday morning that I didn’t know about? And was the theme of the weekend, "John: What a Dick" Was a consensus reached that all women should be a total bitch to me in order to further deflate my ego and self-esteem?

If there was, I’m sorry. Women of the world, whatever I did to incur your wrath over the past 72 hours, I assure that I did not mean to do it. I was probably drunk and being insensitive and made a mistake. But I am truly, truly sorry. So please go back to being nicer to me. I’m not saying that we have to make out all the time, but a little kindness would really make me feel better right now.