A Man Of God

What a surprise! The new Pope is white, authoritarian, and Catholic! I'm on a roll now. I also predicted last week that the NFL's top pick would be a college football player. Correct again. I'm going to limb it now, and say the next president will be an American citizen.

And consistent with this shocker, a recent survey of the media shows that most reporters want the new Pope dead, and are desirous of a black lesbian Po-pette to replace him. That the Vatican has the audacity, in this age of great enlightenment and harmony, to dare elevate an actual Catholic to the papacy, is making all the anti-religious bigots print some funny stuff in your daily paper. The unspoken fear of these 1st Amendment-hating handmaidens is: "We're going to be a theocracy soon." Well, too late, dreamers. The left-wing socialists have practiced their religion of diversity and tolerance for decades now. The Pope selection is just a little more push back from people who are fed up with being forced into accepting destructive ideas and people. Wanna give head to other guys? Have at it. Don't expect to be Pope. Like to suck fetuses out of your womb? It's legal, but don't expect to be Pope. Got AIDS? There are many meds available, and the money you didn't spend on condoms and ecstasy can be used for purchase. Don't expect to be Pope. Self-righteous former jock-sniffer Keith Olbermann skillfully points out that the new Pope may have been a Nazi:

At age, 14 membership in Germany's "Hitler Youth" became mandatory. So Joseph Ratzinger enrolled.

Weakling. He should have resisted and been taken to a concentration camp and volunteered to be shot first. Hey, Keith. Why don't you try not filing a tax return for the next few years? See how that works out for you.

From AP-Europe:

Ratzinger turned 78 on Saturday. His age clearly was a factor among cardinals who favored a "transitional" pope who could skillfully lead the church as it absorbs John Paul II's legacy, rather than a younger cardinal who could wind up with another long pontificate.

How on earth could they possibly know this? The cardinals do not speak at all. To anyone. An inference has been turned into a fact. A "transitional" pope? Well, I agree. The pope after this is going to be even more hardcore than the two preceding him. Careful what you wish for, lefty.

I still don't think anyone on the left has noticed or can deal with the reality that not only is religion a major part of all world politics and has been in this country since it's founding, but that it is as inextricable from politics as money. Read the holy volume The Book of McCain-Feingold in the liberal's bible for insight.

Reuters:

German Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger, the strict defender of Catholic orthodoxy for the past 23 years, was elected Pope on Tuesday despite a widespread assumption he was too old and divisive to win election.

Whose assumption? This reporter's. How widespread? All of his friends and co-workers.

Reuters again:

Cardinals on Tuesday elected conservative German prelate Joseph Ratzinger as the new leader of the world's 1.1 billion Roman Catholics, in a controversial choice to succeed Pope John Paul II.

Controversial to whom? Reuters. Who else would assume that even the Cardinals themselves think the Catholic Church is too Catholicy? Stooping even lower, an enterprising reporter at the McMinnvile Oregon News-Register made a pilgrimage to a Catholic school to file the classic "through the eyes of the young" piece where a reporter validates his/her own childish thinking by proxy:

Watching on a television screen in their classroom, the children were surprised to see that it was a rainy evening in Italy, as they had just come in from morning recess on a sunny day.

Well, they are children. This is an odd observation with which to lead a story about how children are naturally imbued with a gift of insight.

The children made guesses about where the new pope would be from. Would he be from Africa? Latin America? Europe?

No America? That's because children are pure thinkers whose minds haven't yet been tainted by adults and experience.

The crowd responded by chanting "Benedict! Benedict!" That excited the children, particularly a first-grader named Ben. The class talked about how Benedict is very similar to Benjamin.

I suppose it's better than being called Ben Gay again and getting punched in the head by another bully. From NY Newsday:

Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger of Germany was elected by his fellow cardinals Tuesday to become the 265th pope, putting a conservative who is expected to continue championing John Paul II's orthodox ideas at the head of the world's 1.1 billion Catholics.

That's like reporting that the Republicans have nominated a Republican for president. Newsday has been bitterly disappointed again. From KIROTV.COM:

Gay Catholics In Washington Concerned With New Pope
OLYMPIA, Wash. -- Dejected gay Roman Catholics in Washington state called the choice of a Vatican hardliner, Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger, as pope a painful reminder of his role in Rome's crackdown on homosexuality, priestly celibacy and the role of women in the church.

Yes, sweeties, but the last pope felt the same way. Yet here you are, still gay, alive, and nominally Catholic. Now run along and make someone over before a house falls on you, too. Then they go and give out the Pope's email address. Hope he has a good Queer filter. He's gonna need it.

I'm not a Catholic so I don't care too specifically who the Pope is. If they want to cede moral leadership to the irrational minority of bigots like so many others, that's their choice. But I like when a group sticks up for it's beliefs against it's putative destroyers. I even sent a gift basket to the guy who spit on Jane Fonda. Do you know how hard it is to find a place that does arrangements of bagels, coffee, and Skoal?

OK, sure. Some young Catholic boys have been molested by priests and the Cardinals covered for them. Answer this. Hot date. You have a choice of babysitter for your 7-year old son. The local Catholic priest, or a guy who works part-time for ACT-UP? Eric Robert Rudolph, or Richard Simmons?

What makes you feel more uneasy? The headlines are all about Catholics or the headlines are all about Muslims? Tough call? You have no hope of being Pope.