Pope John Pimp II

How strange would it be to stand in the line at the pearly gates with the Pope behind you?

Stranger still, imagine that the Pope is behind you at the pearly gates and all you can think about is how much of a bastard your husband is.

To take this even a step further, imagine you’re in line for heaven, the Pope’s behind you, you can’t stop thinking about how much of a bastard your husband is, then realizing that you can’t remember much of the last fifteen years of your life, let alone why your husband is a donkey-fucking shit-eater.

Imagine standing in line at the pearly gates and the Pope tells you that your husband started repopulating the Earth with another woman, while still legally married to you, while your earthly vessel was locked in a degenerative vegetable state. I think it’d safe to say that there would be a pretty pissed-off white woman on her way into heaven. Yours truly is just happy that he’s not in front of her in that line.

Personally, I happen to be the worst person to stand behind in any line. I’m the one who whips out coupons in the check-out line after my purchase has been calculated. I’m the guy asking the video store clerk about each and every DVD I rent. I’m the asshole who takes a bag of nickels to the bank and goes all apeshit when asked to step out of line and return with said nickels rolled properly. …and I would be the dick asking Terri if she ever read any of the Pope comic books like the one Marvel put out in ’83.

Normally, I’d be one worried that such teasing would cause Mrs. Shiavo to lose it like a mid-western high school student and perforate the lot of us. But then again, this is heaven we’re talking about and from what I’ve read, St. Peter & Co. frown upon re-murdering those who’ve literally waited a lifetime to meet the lord, especially when starting with the Pope.

Perhaps if Mr. Shiavo had self-published an independent comic about his wife’s struggle with brain damage instead of mating with the first wildebeest he met, Terri would’ve laughed herself into a speedy recovery. Stranger things have happened. A certain President was re-elected after taking a nation to war over oil, Robbie Williams is an international superstar and Beyonce keeps being cast in movies. Hell, if Sir Shiavo put out a graphic novel about the silly haircut he gave his brain-dead wife by all comparisons this would be seen as just another addition to American Pop culture. After, of course, she revived and beat him to death with a mint copy of it. Maybe then he’d be in line in front of the Pope.

It’s difficult to say.In any case, let’s just say that I’ll be the first to laugh my dick off if some angry protestor were to beat Michael Shiavo to death with a copy of Pope #1.