Shooting A Video

I have an idea for a music video. Keep reading, and if there's any takers out there, email me, we may have a classic in the making.

It’d have a cheesy early 90’s feel and be set in a dusty Texas bar. The band would be in the bar, along with some rough looking locals. The video would start when the girl walks in the bar, looking all prim and proper and sits down at the bar. For the next few minutes of the video, there’d be splits: the band gets up to perform and starts rocking out, with cuts to guys hitting on the chick. She keeps rejecting them, but as the song continues, you can see the girl getting turned on – not by the guys, but by the song. She keeps patting the sweat from her forehead, biting her lip, maybe unbuttoning her blouse a little.

Then, out of nowhere, I come out of the bathroom. I’m wearing the same outfit that the Hamburgler wears. When our eyes meet, she pushes herself off her stool and stands up, panting and sweating. I approach her with the sexual confidence of a man who has slept with over thirty women.

Then during the solo, we have a dance off. The camera alternates between up close shots of our eyes, shots from our points of view (i.e. me watching her dance, her watching me dance), and views from the ceiling, as we try to out do each other.

All the locals are standing around in a circle cheering us on. We are both extremely sexy; she swaying her hips back and forth and rubbing all up on herself, and me, licking my lips, nodding my head "yes" seductively and squinting my eyes just a little bit, and occasionally spinning around and pulling down my pants a little, revealing some nice ass shots.

Then, just when it couldn’t get any hotter, we both pull out guns and start shooting up the bar (the band continues to play unharmed). We shoot the shit out of everyone and chaos erupts – bottles breaking, people getting shot and failing over tables, gunsmoke filling the room. She hops behind to rob the cash register while I continue shooting motherfuckers. We then run out of the bar into a waiting getaway car, driven by none other than the late Telly Savalas (digitized, of course).

The video ends with the band playing the song in the middle of desert. Telly is outside the car, rocking out and smoking a cigarette. The car is rocking to the beat of the song, as the viewer picks up that the girl and I are inside making love. As the song comes to a close, the video ends on the car stopping rocking. A used condom flies out the window. Video closes on an up close of the used condom. Fin.