WWJD?

So Dubbya won. I'm no fan of Bush but at the same time I thought Kerry was a fucking wus. We should be proud. We as a people have perfected the art of choosing the lesser of two evils. Frankly, I'm not gonna bitch. I'm just glad that we had a clear winner this time and that there were no terrorist attacks trying to influence the election.

I was chatting with a buddy today and his theory on Dubbya winning because of fundamentalist Christians was pretty funny. Well, technically the funny part was his "solution to the fundamentalist Christian problem". Anyway, I'm not a religious person but it got me thinking. What if all this Christian stuff is truly accurate? What if Jesus Christ really is coming back? Worse, what if he already has? Honestly people, how many "nutjobs" are locked up in a loony bin somewhere right now because they swore they were the messiah? Seriously, what if our Lord and Savior is sitting right now in a padded room somewhere strapped down to a bed and dosed to the gills on lithium? Work with me like you're watching a movie: use temporary suspension of disbelief. Assume Jesus really was he son of God and really did come back to Earth tomorrow. What would it take in our jaded, cynical world to convince us that he really is the son of God? I've gotta bet that it's simply impossible.

"Hello my child, I am Jesus. I have returned to save your soul."
"Shut up asshole, I'm not giving you any money."
"No, it is I, the Son of God."
"Whatever man, I gave at the office."
"I do not need your money. I only want to spread the word of my father, the almighty God."
"Listen you crazy bastard, I've heard this a million times. You're going to have to turn water to wine or something if you want me to believe you. If you're really Jesus then perform a miracle!"
"Miracle? How else do you think you got re-elected?"

Heh, sorry couldn't resist. But you get he point. When I see people out on the street pimping their religions they're just being ignored or ridiculed. It's just second nature to think of them as quacks. Who can blame us? This chick in an old beat up VW bug broke down in front of our office a few months ago. Paul and I were about to start pushing her car across the street into the parking lot to get it out of the road when two hardcore bible thumpers walked up. I had to fuck with them. I couldn't resist. The best way I've found to infuriate this type of person is with calm and intelligent discourse. It drives them nuts. After a couple minutes I hit them up to help us help this woman get her car out of the street and into the parking lot. They said they would only do it if I prayed with them. I swear this is the actual conversation:

"So you're trying to blackmail me into praying with you?"
"Um, no. I just think you should pray with me."
"So you're not willing to help this woman? She's in need of a hand. Isn't that the Christian thing to do?"
"Why won't you pray with us?"
"Tell you what, if you're willing to help this lady out I'll stand here next to you with my eyes closed while you pray. How's that?"
"Will you actually pray?"
"Honestly, no, but it will look like I am."
"No, God will know. That won't work. I won't help you move the car. We have to go now."

So they left with me screaming/laughing at the top of my lungs "HYPOCRITE!" I couldn't resist. Honestly, this is my typical exposure to Christianity. Can you blame me for thinking these people are insane? That chick was so damn brainwashed I couldn't get her to concede that a fundamental tenet of her religion of choice was helping those in need. With experiences like this, what would I do if some guy came up to me and insisted he was Jesus. I'd ignore him. If he persisted, I'd tell him to fuck off. If he still persisted I'd either kick his ass or call the cops depending on the mood I was in. What would you do?
So the way I see it, if Christianity is right we're all going to hell. Either JC has already come back and we've locked him up or when he does come back we're going to lock him up. Either way we're fucked.
If I go before you, I'll be the one with the bellows stoking the fire...