Boo Boo Kitty Fuck

This one goes back to around 1993 when I had first moved to Tampa, and was living with a stripper that I was briefly dating (amongst 5 other degenerates). I came home one day and couldn’t find her cats anywhere. I called up Diamond Dolls (where she was working) and my musician-support-system told me they were outside when she left. I looked around outside for a while and still couldn't find them, so I called the leasing office. The cunt that worked there told me that they had called Animal Control for having them outside, so I drove downtown to spring our cats out of Cat Jail.
It was something like $85, which was a lot of money in those days. I free the cats but not before they gave ME a court date for leaving them outside. What the fuck? I tried to explain that they were not even my cats, but they gave me the ticket anyway. When my girl got home, I told her about what had happened and she said she would take care of it.

A few months later we split up.

Not long after all of this I start fucking this other chick. One of our favorite pastimes was playing Hide-the-Salami-While-All-Dosed-Out-on-LSD. One night I went to pick her up with two tabs on me. The plan was to go back to my house, trip, and fuck like wildebeasts.

Quite the romantic evening, no?

While I was at her house, I had a brilliant idea:

“Let's take these doses now. By the time we get back to my house they ought to just be starting to work on us!"

So we took the shit and started driving back to my palatial seven bedroom estate with an indoor bowling alley (read: my dumpy apartment). On the way back this pig gets behind me. My tag was a few weeks expired so he pulled me over. I got out of the car and handed this zipper-head my license. I was calm as the acid hadn't hit yet, I was sure I'd just get out of it with just a ticket or something. Well, the cop comes back and explains that there is a warrant for Failure to Appear the missed cat trial and then stuffs me in the back of his car. I hadn’t even started to trip yet but the check was in the mail already. I was driven to this police station where the idea was to transfer me to a different vehicle and take me to county jail. They took me out of the back of one car and slammed me straight in the back of another car that was already running.

Twing! I started feeling the LSD.

In the back of the second car was the biggest, fattest, sweatiest black dude I had ever seen in my life with his shirt off. It was the middle of the summer in Tampa and it was fucking hot. He was handcuffed, thrashing about, sweating, and smashing me against the door like a madman. He kept rocking back and forth, squirming around, and screaming, "I don't care whose dick I have to suck, just let me out of here!" While all of this is going on two cops are standing outside ignoring this and chatting away idly. The female cop who was supposed to take us downtown got in the car and starts to drive away. She makes it about twenty feet when the other cop she was talking to runs up and starts knocking on the window. Next thing I know, the two cops are all over each other, making out and groping on the side of the car! Meanwhile, I'm back there with a 400 lb. sweaty moon-cricket yelling about sucking dick and sweating, sweating, sweating…

Now the acid is really kicking in (Claustrophobia, panic, suffocation then...vertigo).

After about 20 minutes of this, the she-cop gets back in the car again starts to drive again when the other cop jogs up, knocks on the window and again the same shit happens. They were about to fuck on the side of the car! I'm tripping my fucking balls off by now, and the giant black dude is still spazzing out with me smashed into the corner and is screaming about sucking dick.
I tried my hardest not to freak the fuck out as they don’t know I was on drugs…YET! Mental Kung-FU must stay strong or this trip would go very, very badly!
She gets back in the car and for a third time the same thing happens. I know this is starting to sound like a bad joke but I every word is true. Finally after about and hour of this happening over and over again she gets in the car and takes me to jail. After about five hours my friends show up with the bail money and I get out just as the drugs are starting to wear off.

I was jailed for some cats while trying to have sex on acid.