Woot Woot

Technology is an eight-armed, triple breasted megabitch who, every second of the day, is finding new areas of our lives upon which to intrude. Heckfire, you can hardly piss in the woods without short-circuiting a microchip somewhere. Even the goddamn bums have iPods.

So then, with all this high-tech gadgetry – GPS, cell phones, fiber optics – riddle me this: why in God’s great name do trains still have deafeningly loud horns, and why do they insist on using them at all hours of the day and night? I ask, because my new office is located right next to train tracks by which about 8-12 trains a day routinely roll, all the while laying on the horn so loudly that I couldn’t hear my own flatulence if my head were up my ass, which, typically, I’ve been told it is.

My office is not in a fucking pasture – it is in downtown Newark, surrounded by the PNC Arts Center, Newark Penn Station, and the Verizon Headquarters. As far as I know, there is no reason to be concerned about stray cattle accidentally wandering onto the tracks. And anyone who can’t feel a train rumbling towards them or who doesn’t understand that those two big, long metal rails on the ground (you know, the ones with all the wooden beams crossing them) is not a particularly good place to take a quick siesta, frankly, I don’t think his/her violent, gruesome passing would be a huge loss to humanity.

Sorry to have to get this off my chest, but now that I’m a vagrant, living on friends’ couches and, more often than not, passing out at my desk, a train horn blasting at 4 AM has become a staple of my existence, as have the hallucinations from sleep deprivation.

Oh hell, here comes another one…

Fuck.