Power Alleys

First, for the first hour and a half of my day, my fly was open. This time included leaving my house, stopping at the convenience store to get coffee, walking around my building, and talking to two of my co-workers while standing in the doorways of their offices. Nice. For being totally fucking awesome, I rewarded myself with a bacon, egg and cheese bagel. It was terrific.

Second, speaking of being totally fucking awesome, you have no idea how good it feels to come home at 1:30 in the morning with a nice buzz, feeling happy, only to check your email to read something from an ex-girlfriend saying "It's been years since I've seen you, and you look great...except it looks like you're losing your hair"

Perhaps I should mention that my main priorities this weekend were not focused on my hair. In fact, if I had to put them in order of importance, my priorities would have gone:

1) Getting messed up.
2) Eating pretty much everything put in front of me, live or dead.
3) Not masturbating.
4) Seriously, getting really messed up.
5) Wearing the same hoodie all weekend because it was 55° all weekend and I was fucking cold.
6) Sorting all kinds of shit out.
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11) Smoking alot
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23) Telling everyone about how Wendy’s now has a vanilla frosty and saying "It blew my fucking mind" over and over again.
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39) Taking long showers and pissing off my friends.
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58) Not answering any calls or text messages from anyone not in my state.
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83) Raving about the Wendy’s grilled chicken sandwich I ate and mentioning the vanilla frosty again. Adding, "Doesn’t that blow your fucking mind?"
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597) Making sure my hair looks good for my ex-girlfriend, whom I didn't plan on seeing but I bumped into accidentally, while intoxicated.

So I guess what I’m trying to say is that though my hair may appear a little bit thinning, I have lovely hair. Well, maybe not lovely, but I’m not going bald. Ok? Let’s just move on before I get too wound up.

(Also, do you know how windy it was this weekend? The answer: Lots. Lots windy. Not good for hair.)

(Also, did I mention I'm on a diet? Jerks. The whole lot of you. Buncha jerks.)