Find Something To Do

I’m sorry, but you’re just going to have to find some other way of occupying your time today, because I don't have anything worth posting.

Why not pick up a hobby, like gambling? Or picking fights with strangers? Or racism? Or trying to find a new way to get higher than you ever have before?

Maybe you can get really fucked up on all the pills, vitamins, contact solution and hair gel you have in your medicine cabinet and call the ex that you’re still in love with, and tell him/her that you’re pregnant/you’ve impregnated someone else? When he/she says “congratulations”, maybe you can tell them that you’ve put a curse on them, and all their offspring will have a really big left hand, and a very tiny right hand?

Maybe you can call your parents, and thank them for raising you to be neurotic, disloyal, and impotent? When they start to sob, maybe you can say, “I’m just kidding”, then say “Happy Birthday” and hang up, regardless of whether or not it’s their birthday?

You’re going to have to find something, because there is no post tomorrow. Uncle Johnny will be too busy being hungover, eating pancakes, and downloading pornography. So there.