What? Huh?

Apparently, it's scientifically official now. We, and by "we" I mean us as men, really don't understand a goddamned word that comes out of the mouths of women. No longer can our significant others blame our lack of listening to selfishness and typifying a male chauvinist pig fucker. Nope, ladies and gentlemen, finally science has given proof of something that truly matters in this world:

Men just don't give a fuck what women are talking about.

According to a recent scientific finding out of Sheffield University in northern England, a land notorious for treating their women like sheep and their sheep like women, these snaggle-toothed eggheads have discovered startling differences in the way the brain responds to male and female sounds. To guys like me, I kind of figured that sort of thing was obvious, because quite frankly, whenever an ex-girlfriend would start complaining about something, suddenly her voice would sound just like the faceless teacher from a Peanuts cartoon and I would just smile and nod, all the while contemplating the many ways I could get a chance to bone her hotter younger sister. But scientists and researchers are a stubborn breed and are always determined to put some sort of physical evidence behind something we have always known to be true for millennia.

So all of us who pack two testicles and a penis are always accused of never listening to women we are trying to fuck...guess what? We have a scientific excuse now, and now longer will your crafty womanly charm tell us otherwise. Apparently, in this study, men deciphered female voices using a part of the brain that processes music and melody.. So while female voices register on a different, more melodic scale, male voices are simpler and registered in a more simpler and straightforward mechanism of the brain. Much like comparing the sound a flute makes to the sound of a sledgehammer smashing into a car window, women's voices are just that much more complex and melodic.

So what's your point, Johnny? Well, rejoice oh brothers, because no longer will we have to sit there and listen to our significant others bitch, piss, and moan about how we never listen to them or understand their meaningless and trite stories of the day. No, you show them this very article, point your finger in their face, and laugh maniacally. Why?

BECAUSE IT'S SCIENCE!

We don't understand the words that are coming out of your mouths. There's no arguiing with science.