Memo Comedy

The “memo” area on your average check is a comedy goldmine begging to be spelunked, yet people fail to recognize this. More often than not, people use this space to describe what the check is being written for: “May 2004 rent”, “John’s birthday”, “Account Number 193883984297”, etc.

But in reality, this is an opportunity for free-form comedy. I’m telling you this now because the holidays are upon us, and, like many of you, I have no imagination when it comes to giving gifts, so I often give money. Since we all know that giving cash is too…Italian (read: tacky), I always give checks. I know that receiving cash is preferable, but my logic is, “Hey – I’m giving you free money. The least you could do is take your lazy ass to the bank to cash the check.” Sartre says that the purpose of giving a gift is to enslave the recipient. I think that giving a gift is just another opportunity to be a dick.

[Please note: this does not apply only to holidays. Every check I write has something retarded in the memo. This is a year-round thing.]

So this holiday season, instead of writing in the memo of the check, “Merry Christmas, Tom!” or “Happy Hanukkah, Chaim!”, have a little fun with it. Write something ridiculous and/or offensive. You’ll at least get a laugh out of it and perhaps that person will have to hand that check to a teller to be deposited. Sweet.

Here are some examples to get you started:

“Third place prize - Semen Eating Contest”
“Killing my father”
“Licking ass on a dare”
“Your mother tastes like cocaine”
“Head”
“I rubbed this on my balls”
“Are you my brother?”
“Still tasting you, xoxoxo”
“This is for the drugs you sold me”
“Sorry about your sister’s uterus and all”

So please, try this at home. I do it, it’s awesome, so you should do it.