The Myth Of The Moon

I'm sick and tired of the moon, the stars, and space in general. I'm not sure if it's due to me thinking America was duped into believing people actually walked on the moon, the fact I almost wasted 2-1/2 hours of my degenerate life watching Star Wars 3 (notice, I said almost...I'm not THAT stupid).

Even before I got to watch the Space Shuttle blow up on live T.V. back in the day, I've been saying that our fine government fucked us into believing they'd put people on the moon. I've been defending my conspiracy theory since I was like 9. When I was a kid I even got my ass kicked once or twice for spewing my garbage to older kids who had been brainwashed by NASA and their own parents, like the majority of people.

My mother once threatened to beat me with my fathers' belt if I spoke another negative word about her beloved bullet magnet JFK or his evil plot to deter good wholesome Americans from giving a damn about motherfuckers coming home in body bags and focus more on getting to the fucking moon.

I find it funny that every time one of the astronauts who "allegedly" walked on the moon is asked what it felt like to be on the moon, they always respond with some shit like "it was unbelievable," or "unreal." Maybe, just maybe, because that's exactly what it was - "UNREAL". A complete and total farce brought to you by a government (the greatest god damned government on Earth may I add before I start getting mail accusing me of being a Commie or some sort of Al Qaeda sympathizer or some shit) who was attempting to turn the attention of the general public in the opposite direction of where it was facing, and because there was no chance in hell we could or would let the Russians beat us into faking a moon landing of their own.

Now, I could go on and on about why I think we've never been to the moon, I could argue my reasoning or I could go online and provide you with hours upon hours of research to prove or disprove my beliefs. But, you got me fucked up if you think I'm gonna spend good whack off time to find anything other than good ole sinful pornography. Geek moon landings versus whores spread eagle rubbing shit on each others clits? Guess what wins that match every time.

So, truthfully I have no reasoning to believe we have or haven't been to the moon. I just don't think we ever made it up to that bitch. Is the technology there? Probably nowadays, but 40 years ago? Do we have the people capable to get there? Probably. Have we been up there? Maybe, or maybe not, I do know for a fact that my ass has never been there, nobody I know has ever been there, and nobody that I know knows anybody that has been there. For that reason and that reason alone, I call bullshit.

It's a free country. Believe whatever the fuck you want to believe. I just think that the powers that be have had an agenda of lies that has been fed to the naive public, who are more than happy to look the other way. Now, I know that the government hasn't had an elaborate lie in a long time; c'mon, we all know we're going to find weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, even if we do have to put those motherfuckers there ourselves. Rest assured, they've got something on the back burner simmering, just waiting for the right time.

Now, I can hear it already. "John, you're fucked out of your mind again; there is no way our government would be able to pull something like that off". For the sake of mankind I wish I could truly believe that. Until the day my ass walks on it or at least until one of those boy band fuckers comes back and tells me he went to Uranus or the moon or wherever the fuck that pussy was going, I refuse to buy into this moon walking propaganda.

As I'm sitting here, writing this editorial and taking another giant step toward journalistic history, I would really like to believe that we've walked on the moon but to be totally honest, I could give a fuck either way and I'm simply spewing my ballyhoo to give you something to read.

But don't get me started about the time I saw a UFO.