The Year Of The Elephant

Sweet Jesus on a breadstick, this new year is already shaping up to look like one big ass fuck. Already, the collective dicks of the Federal Government are ready and primed to invade our tax paying butt holes with the upcoming Presidential Inauguration. Good Ol' Texas Boy Dubya plans on throwing the biggest kegger we done ever seen, and thumbing his nose at the rest of us who are just too damned poor to be invited.

Already, donors have supplied him with around $18 million for the party proceedings, which is fine when I think about it. They support him, and they have every right to throw away their money towards a party that will most likely end up with Dubya snorting lines of coke off of Jenna's tits while everyone else looks on in amazement at this incestual haberdashery. Someone's fallin' off the wagon, people, and I can't fucking wait to see the aftermath.

But the thing that squeezes my balls in a vice is the fact that the White House is INSISTING that Washington, DC subsidize the corporate cash financing Dubya's "little" shin-dig. According to one of the Capital Rags which suspiciously rhymes with Pashington Wost, Bush and his cronies are REFUSING to reimburse the District for most of the costs for next week's inauguration. Better yet, as if it isn't audacious enough to proclaim this, the White House wants the District's homeland security money to be used instead.

My mind is officially boggled.

Correct me if I'm wrong, folks, but since when has an administration in the past taken OUR money and used it to throw a lavish inauguration party DURING A TIME OF WAR? That's right. Never. FDR delivered a brief speech during his re-election inaugural party and got back to bombing those dastardly Nazi-Krauts into charred schnitzel. No party. No over-the-top giant chocolate pair of cowboy boots paid for with our tax dollars. And to top it off, it's money intended to protect our citizens from potential terrorists attacks.

So let me get this straight: We, the American taxpayers, have to pay for a party to which none of us regular folk are invited, that will most likely be the perfect target for a terrorist clusterfuck, using the money that would instead protect against that same fucking scenario? Have we suddenly slipped into Bizarro World and nobody told me? Now I could easily ignore all the political mishandlings that our leaders are thrusting up our asses, but you see, I'm a glutton for punishment. A political masochist, if you will, and I like to be in constant pain. Sure, I could just as well strike all that info from my memory, but it's just not in my nature. I get off on political unrest. While my friends prattle on and on about which Dixie Chick they'd like to cornhole, I'm the one boring them to death with the latest news of whatever political scum-fuckery happened to happen that day.

So in closing, let me just say I'm praying to Kali that something goes tragically awry while televising that inauguration, because watching our dictator squander our meager earnings on Bible-beating drunkards would be enough to strike me blind.

PS: I would cornhole the chubby one. She looks like she would be interested in that sort of thing.